Katina Gjinoska (Macedonia)

Katina Gjinoska (Macedonia)

The Curse of the Lonely Voices


Slaying my soul, conquer my mind.

What someone was, what someone will be

Past life recognize it.

Coming back from the unrevealed past

It is everywhere in the same time just here

Like a drop from a sweating face falling down

Getting smaller and smaller and crashed never, ever.

“I wait for my hand to die.”2

It is all about that, but nothing about that

Sounding, reverberating as a ghost in an empty box.

Burning as never kissed lips, untouched hand, vanished wish,

Crawling out of the mother cradle, walking toward the father earth.

Like an anguish in the middle of nothing

Going and torturing, mile by thoughts, thoughts by infinity.

Afraid to think but conscious to see.
Crazy to believe as crazy to speak about.

Voiceless voice for you and me

I hear it, but you don’t.

Loud spine-chilling silence

Shivers are walking on my bones as soldiers in march.

Mute voice is speaking to me.

Never stop to feel, never stop to wish, never stop to heal.

Badness embrace badness no place for goodness.

What? Why? When?

Incurable past will search for a cure in a new life.

Something! Because! Then!

The silence be the answer, be the blanket, be the food, be the life.

Wordless words upon the wall

Unspeakable speech upon the throne.

Tired soul never gets old,

always in between other words

Appearing as voice.

I have heart them both

No tomorrow in yesterday, no future in the past.

Covering as white fog upon the world,

Can you see my finger between them all?

1 Words that are spoken from a little baby in “The Shawl” Synthia Ozick
2 Words spoken from the Harry in “My Son the Murderer” by Bernard Malamud

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